17 September 2017


have you ever been feeling that anxious of presenting in front of a class? or been terrified of the teacher calling out your name when it came to reading your essay out loud? i totally have and i had a reason for it. it felt like everybody would judge me for what id written, or said, or did. and despite my tries to seem confident, i used to struggle with what will people think about me. and i would skip classes when presenting and be really anxious after saying anything in a group because i was scared there'd be awkward silence and that everybody would think i was dumb. 

it occurred to me in elementary school, i don't have it anymore now, thank god. but it wouldn't have left if my attitude on being judged didn't change. (im finding out everything i go through in ife more or less depends on my attitude, whoa)
...so once i was hanging out with my dad, it was a couple of years ago and i was thirteen or fourteen and most of the stuff he said seemed really lame to me. after a few 'not funny' jokes i stayed silent, looked at him and told him his jokes were poor and that he was embarrassing. (i don't know why was i being such a bitch). i was actually causing the exact situation i feared the most. it didn't make him lose his composure like i probably wished it would. instead he said ''yes, i probly was lame and embarassing, but who isn't lame every once in a while, you are also embarassing.''and the way he said it just seemed so real and honest to me at that moment i got mad at myself for accusing him of being awkward.

the thing with being judged is in fact really simple. you don't feel judged unless you do it yourself. it has something to do with self-confidence too. when your self image is poor you look for ways to put yourself on the same level like others - and you try to bring them down. the change of the attitude starts (no matter how cliche and  tacky that sounds) within you. if you look at others searching for faults you will feel them doing the same thing.
not feeling judged won't stop people from judging you though. there isn't really a way to stop people from doing that so this post-title was a lie (sorry) but there is something on this strategy, i swear. the thing is that
a) you are not judged 70% of the time you think you are
b) it doesn't really matter to you when using this theory i developped

i am not saying i have never ever judged anybody since the story with my dad but i do try to look at people from a different perspective. let's be honest. it is hard not to say stupid shit. we all do it sometimes but instead of putting each other down for it we should embrace the lameness and support each other which sounds cliche and naive now but it would feel lovely when you imagine it really happening. 

thank you so so much for sticking around until the end of this aritcle, 
(and excuse me for writing such cliche posts, i have been out of the game for some time and need to find myself a writing style again) (oh but my writing style has always been cliche and naive) umm. thank you thank you for reading anyway + good luck with not judging, bros,
yeaah gretavbc ✨

ps. the percentage of not being judged is completely random but you get what i meant, dont you.